Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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