I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
