hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
