He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you didnt know i had herpes?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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