I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
