I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
