I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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