I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
