p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
