He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize