I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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