FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
