Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
