my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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