# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
the condom got lost in my hair
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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