For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
