Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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