I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
