Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
