Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
