I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
