WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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