Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
