I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
