the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
