Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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