You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
