Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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