Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
