Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
