My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
