'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
