I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
