Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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