You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
