I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
