is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
