i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
