shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Randomize
