Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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