I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
