DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
