Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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