Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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