just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize