Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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