Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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