You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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