we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I deserve this hangover.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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