I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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