he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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