On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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