I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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