between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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