I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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