It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
