Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
