so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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