But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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