i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
