you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
