Michael Bay diarrhea
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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