i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
