If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've blown a few things in my day
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
