There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i will never coherently bang her
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
